Been a long time coming but I've finally forced myself to do this:
Man it's been a while, but Im gonna give this whole blogging thing another shot since everyone else at work seems able to juggle a personal and professional writing career. Might as well start by finishing something I had intended to do way back before I saw Burton's Alice In Wonderland (which would totally knock Edward Scissorhands out of the top 10)
5. Charley and the Chocolate Factory, 2005
THis is one that I get a lot of shit for because, though it's a kid's movie, its also kind of a bad kid;s movie. BUt I think the movie suffers from unrealistic expectations. Anyone over the age of 18 compares this Johnny Depp vehicle to the Gene Wilder classic that dominated our Thanksgiving and Easter holiday weekends as kids. But the 2005 Tim Burton Willy Wonka outing is a whole different animal.
This version is closer to the book, as far as my sixth grade recollection of it goes, and offers up a really glowing performance from J-Dilla, crafting Wonka as a bizarro manchild that's as much pedophilic superstar Michael Jackson as it is Depps own uber-emotional, yet dramatically underscored Edward Scissorhands. In all its a damn solid movie, unless you're a total asshole. Sure the songs aren't as good as the original and the Umpa Lumpa scenes are all pretty week, but it does feature a more compelling cast that actually makes the kids seem like total dickholes and worthy of whatever horrible shit befalls them. Case in point Augustus Gloop, the fat kid who in the original seems like a normal kid who happens to look like a pot roast, but in this one we get to see him straight hating on Charley and then we don't feel bad when his corpulant ass gets sucked up in that tube.
Also in this one we see the kids leave the factory alive, something they never touched on in the original, leading a whole generation of children to think Wonka straight murdered 4 children and probably their parents, lest they tell the press.
4. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, 1985
If you grew up in the 80s and don't absolutely love this movie, then I'm afraid that you are an irredeemably terrible human being deserving of only the worst things that life could ever thrust upon an individual. This movie is an irreplaceable part of my childhood and no amount of Masturbating in a porn theater will erase that.
Pee-Wee is an American institution, and a staple for anyone interested in entertaining children. With the Big Adventure, Pee Wee brought all the zaniness of his show and made it into an adventure film that really cannot be beat. From Pee-Wee's trip tot he Alamo to the straight-out-of-the-Twilight-Zone Large Marge segment, this movie is heavily layered with awesome. No one under the age of 25 didn't want Pee-Wee's bike, or his Rube Goldberg breakfast maker with goddamn Mr. T cereal or his whole damn house complete with Halloween decorations year round, a window that looks out into a fishtank and fucking firepole. This movie is everything that's awesome about being 8 years old, except being old enough to appreciate it, and it still holds up today.
On a side note, this movie also features some of Burton's most frightening work to date. I still know people that are afraid of the evil Dr. Clowns destroying Pee-Wee's Bike.
3. Mars Attacks, 1996
This is another one that I feel gets a bad rap, even though its an awesome movie. Here we have one of the only times that Burton has been asked to reimagine someone else's intellectual property into something awesomer than its source material. This time it was Topps Baseball Cards' series of fantasy Martian invasion cards. Sure it was kind of an excuse to cram a bunch of c-list celebs into an overblown and mildly crappy Jack Nicholsen venture. Indeed, the movie features Jack Black, Kristina Applegate, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan, the nose from Sex and the City, Martin Short, Waldo, several french people, a dude with Parkinsons, young Natalie Portman and of course Jack Nicholsen doing his best Peter Sellers in three separate roles.
I think what I love about it is how silly and openly ridiculous it allows itself to be, particularly when compared to the fucking dung heap that was Independence Day (also 1996). The movie is a solid hour and a half of cracks on the conventions of the genre, and provides possibly the most memorable role for a Slim Whitman song since that one awkward Barnd Dance when the term Kissing Cousins was coined.
2. Ed Wood, 1994
Ed Wood may be a comedy by trade, but it is really Burton's first truly emotional film and most of that comes from the dually brilliant performances from Johnny Depp and most of all Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi. As one might expect of a biopic that details the auteur behind Glen or Glenda and Plan 9 from Outer Space, plenty of funny shit happens in this movie - especially when the ever brilliant Bill Murray is on screen. Yet what sticks with you afterwards isn't the crossdressing scenes, or the fake octopus or even George the Animal Steel's awesome turn as Tor Johnson.
No, the heart and soul of this movie is the often sweet and frequently uncomfortable relationship between Landau's Bela and Depp/Wood. As the film progresses and Bela gets more on the phine, we actually feel his pain and when the poor old man passes away as lonely and heartbroken as one can imagine, only a pretentious indie douche would pretend not to be moved. This doesn't really fit the overall oeuvre of Burton, but it's departure from his norms shows that Tim can turn on the emotion when he needs to.
1. BeetleJuice, 1988
Easily one of my favorite films of all time, Beetlejuice defies you not to enjoy it, it fucking dares you. The film stars Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis (no seriously, look it up).as a fuddy duddy couple that dies in a car accident only to emerge as ghosts in their old home. Low and behold 80s yuppie douchebags move into the house and thats when hilarity ensues.
Defying all logic, Michel Keaton manages to steal the whole damn show and be hilarious in the process as a bio-exorcist ghost employed by the recently deceased to rid their home of the yuppie douches Yes, that Michael Keaton. I know, I think he sucks too, but his turn as Beetlejuice is like a how-to in zany ridiculous characters
From start to end, there's a lot to love in this movie. The visual aesthetic is simultaneously creepy, cartoony and ridiculous, the acting is steadily strong and then there's the songs. Oh the songs! This movie managed to revive the career of Harry Belafonte with its half mocking-half tribute song selection.
Much like Pee-Wee, Beetlejuice perfectly straddles the line between silly enough for kids and awesome enough for everyone, and that dichotomy is so seemless and unforced, that the film could serve as a master class on how to make a family film without it being total bullshit. Bravo to all involved, even Keaton for this - his one defensible performance!
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